{"product_id":"letter-010-toxique-in-french","title":"Letter 010 — Toxique in French","description":"\u003cp\u003eDear me, dear us — the one I was and the one I am.\u003cbr\u003eIf I say toxique in French, would it sound better? Or is the origin irrelevant when the story refuses a single frame?\u003cbr\u003eHis villain eyes are blue, and his 2:13am messages are short: \"I'm coming.\"\u003cbr\u003eWhat's the point of asking when the arrogant control he has over me helps me play the victim of our circumstances?\u003cbr\u003eAnd don't I love giving that responsibility for my pain to someone else?\u003cbr\u003eIs it really better to be in bad company than alone?\u003cbr\u003eTruly alone?\u003cbr\u003eAt least this kind of alone has a pulse.\u003cbr\u003eAlone is the absence of being understood.\u003cbr\u003eAt least he understands my wild side.\u003cbr\u003eBut how long is long enough for my body to rot in repetition?\u003cbr\u003eSo how bad is it that I often open the door at 2:13am?\u003cbr\u003eIsn't it just human?\u003cbr\u003eTemporary amplification is my second language.\u003cbr\u003eI don't repeat what hurts me.\u003cbr\u003eI repeat what works faster.\u003cbr\u003eAnd illusion works faster than healing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear me,\u003cbr\u003eIt's a pattern.\u003cbr\u003eLove came and killed us, and now our broken hearts are looking for a temporary home.\u003cbr\u003eI wondered whose was more broken — his or mine.\u003cbr\u003eIt didn't matter.\u003cbr\u003eI needed impact.\u003cbr\u003eNaming something doesn't eliminate desire.\u003cbr\u003eI know men like him.\u003cbr\u003eThey watch.\u003cbr\u003eThey wait.\u003cbr\u003eThey position.\u003cbr\u003eThey are charming — short term, later damaging.\u003cbr\u003eIt's a hunting game.\u003cbr\u003eOnly this time, he didn't know I was aware of the rules.\u003cbr\u003eThis wasn't love.\u003cbr\u003eIt was transaction.\u003cbr\u003eThe membership fee.\u003cbr\u003eOne broken heart.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAfter he leaves, the silence is louder than his knock.\u003cbr\u003eThe sheets cool down faster than I do.\u003cbr\u003eAnd the impact fades quicker every time.\u003cbr\u003eDear me, who is the toxique one — him or I?\u003cbr\u003eHe thought he was the danger.\u003cbr\u003eHe wasn't.\u003cbr\u003eHe was just convenience — a tall one, a familiar one, a very handsome one.\u003cbr\u003eStill, his only job was to break the silence of nothingness, to fucking feel alive — and I did.\u003cbr\u003eAnd you know what?\u003cbr\u003eI will do it again.\u003cbr\u003eConsider this my next installment.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear me, the one I am becoming — does this fit the life you will inherit?\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Love Letters To Myself","offers":[{"title":"Default","offer_id":57916258779467,"sku":null,"price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1064\/4802\/7979\/files\/LLTM_Banner_2_b88b91c1-6c2d-465c-adaa-ed8214acd93c.jpg?v=1785562849","url":"https:\/\/loveletterstomyself.co\/products\/letter-010-toxique-in-french","provider":"Love Letters To Myself","version":"1.0","type":"link"}