{"product_id":"letter-015-thats-not-the-man-i-wanted-to-wake-up-to","title":"Letter 015 — That's Not the Man I Wanted to Wake Up To","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhere are my fucking shoes?\u003cbr\u003eAt this point, I wasn't sure if this situation was funny or tragic, but I had to find my shoes and get the fuck out before he wakes up.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e15 hours earlier —\u003cbr\u003eThe London way of saying I'm back without calling someone is an IG story: fancy corner, window reflection, click, post, wait.\u003cbr\u003eThe ridiculous sun kept shining, and the streets were full of people and vibrance.\u003cbr\u003eUntil I reached my favourite Portobello Road for coffee and a pastry, I already had three messages: \"Wow, you're here?\"\u003cbr\u003eFriends? No.\u003cbr\u003eJust random subscribers for a time-out and a drink.\u003cbr\u003eOr maybe that's what I needed — gossip, high heels, and someone else's drama.\u003cbr\u003eEl was one of them.\u003cbr\u003eFun girl, but only available when single.\u003cbr\u003eAnd she was — freshly devastated.\u003cbr\u003eWe met at the Scarlet Room in Soho.\u003cbr\u003eBlack dress, by default.\u003cbr\u003eLittle makeup and a tiny lip gloss — always.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFrom one drink to the fifth, I somehow stopped thinking about him.\u003cbr\u003eI don't know if I was actually preferring someone else's company or was scared as fuck to call him — be refused, or even worse, look at him and not see him.\u003cbr\u003eWhile El was dramatising about the many times she changed her mind about breaking up with the guy and getting back with him, I told myself: How selfish. Just make up your mind or leave the guy alone.\u003cbr\u003eAnd then it hit me.\u003cbr\u003eWasn't I doing the same?\u003cbr\u003eAfter I fucked up the first person in my life worth working on myself for, I chose to show him the worst of me and then blame him for not handling it.\u003cbr\u003eNow he may be seeing someone else, moved on, and having a life.\u003cbr\u003eBut here I am again, needing my closure.\u003cbr\u003eIt's Adele's fault — that bloody \"Hello, it's me\" is still stuck in my head like every story has a good ending.\u003cbr\u003eBut it doesn't.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhile I was sipping my fourth vodka, I was thinking: sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to leave them alone.\u003cbr\u003eAnd I did really love him, I swear to God, more than myself.\u003cbr\u003eBut the weight of receiving it was impossible to carry for the girl I was.\u003cbr\u003e\"Can we have two of the same, please?\" I said to the waiter, clearly making up my mind that my brain would explode if I didn't stop thinking about him — mainly if I didn't stop thinking about how wrong it is to contact him now or ever.\u003cbr\u003eAnd maybe it's finally my turn to show my love by staying a ghost of the past.\u003cbr\u003eScratch Adele, we are going full hip-hop tonight.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEl took me somewhere — at that point, I didn't even know where.\u003cbr\u003eI just needed to dance my mind away.\u003cbr\u003eBut when the coyote smells a wounded heart, they strike.\u003cbr\u003eThree songs later, and a cute Spanish guy.\u003cbr\u003eI needed to be kissed.\u003cbr\u003eSo I let him.\u003cbr\u003eHis flattering hit me at the right spot — low confidence and confused emotions.\u003cbr\u003eI didn't care.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e6am.\u003cbr\u003eI woke up in his flat.\u003cbr\u003eIt took me a second to realise where I was, rewind, and feel empty.\u003cbr\u003eThat's not the man I wanted to lie next to.\u003cbr\u003eBut I must admit, it was a good catch — not only that, but a great kisser.\u003cbr\u003eNot the usual bad boys I choose.\u003cbr\u003eThis one looked lovable.\u003cbr\u003eSo the first thing that came to mind was to find my shoes and run.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Love Letters To Myself","offers":[{"title":"Default","offer_id":57916281749835,"sku":null,"price":1.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1064\/4802\/7979\/files\/LLTM_Banner_2_96141d0b-e9f1-4b94-9a33-435209ab56c8.jpg?v=1785562874","url":"https:\/\/loveletterstomyself.co\/products\/letter-015-thats-not-the-man-i-wanted-to-wake-up-to","provider":"Love Letters To Myself","version":"1.0","type":"link"}