{"product_id":"letter-019-devil-on-my-shoulder","title":"Letter 019 — Devil on My Shoulder","description":"\u003cp\u003eDear me,\u003cbr\u003eI feel like I am diving into a dangerous game of delusion.\u003cbr\u003eIs it possible to feel desire for a fantasy not connected to any man in particular, but directed towards myself?\u003cbr\u003eIs it possible to be turned on by a reflection — my reflection?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhite.\u003cbr\u003eI have always been your favourite.\u003cbr\u003eI can tell by the way you sit on my olive skin, by the way you sharpen against my dark hair.\u003cbr\u003eSo I chose you tonight.\u003cbr\u003eBecause I am planning to be loved.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy wet hair was still dripping into the bathroom sink, while the version of myself I had chosen for this night was already lying on the bed, waiting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrecise cat-eye eyeliner in black.\u003cbr\u003eShadows carved into my cheekbones.\u003cbr\u003eDark red lipstick — too deliberate to be innocent.\u003cbr\u003eA quiet fight between elegance and seduction.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy body was glowing.\u003cbr\u003eSo were my eyes — impatient for the eye contact to begin.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI opened a bottle of white.\u003cbr\u003eI didn't want anything else to be red but my lips.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI set the light low.\u003cbr\u003ePut on my best shoes — high, demanding, loud against the apartment floor.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMy white-leg trousers hugged my waist, while the edge of the bodysuit against my chest kept reminding me I was wearing it with every step I took.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eToward the mirror.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eGold on my hands.\u003cbr\u003eOn my neck.\u003cbr\u003eLike I was marking something. Or claiming it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA heavyweight contender.\u003cbr\u003eI against I.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYes, the mirror from Thursday was waiting.\u003cbr\u003eWe had unfinished business.\u003cbr\u003eAnd whether this was a beginning or just an experiment, I was ready to give myself the best version of me available.\u003cbr\u003eSomething I have given only to others.\u003cbr\u003eI sat in front of my mirror, with my wine glass close and my playlist like a little devil on my shoulder, still unsure where this was going, but highly aware that every minute of it I felt that she was my final destination.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLike I was dissolving into that woman, into that version of me I used to imagine from a distance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eShe was there.\u003cbr\u003eIn white and red.\u003cbr\u003eBetween angel and not even close to one.\u003cbr\u003eShe was mine.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDear me, I was falling in love with you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd somewhere between the silence and the music, I was turned on.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Love Letters To Myself","offers":[{"title":"Default","offer_id":57916283388235,"sku":null,"price":1.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1064\/4802\/7979\/files\/LLTM_Banner_2_78fca865-1224-4c36-9a09-296f2d840195.jpg?v=1785562895","url":"https:\/\/loveletterstomyself.co\/products\/letter-019-devil-on-my-shoulder","provider":"Love Letters To Myself","version":"1.0","type":"link"}