{"product_id":"letter-021-emotional-leftovers","title":"Letter 021 — Emotional Leftovers","description":"\u003cp\u003eI was eating the leftovers from that night like a homeless dog.\u003cbr\u003eBy Saturday, I was turning down invitations to socialise before they even reached my notification screen.\u003cbr\u003eThat's how dangerous this was.\u003cbr\u003eI was the main dish, the guest of honour, and everything was about me.\u003cbr\u003eAnd strangely enough, that wasn't even the scariest part.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt turned out there were a lot of incomplete conversations I wanted to rewrite.\u003cbr\u003eOr maybe I just wanted to see her in the mirror again.\u003cbr\u003eOne day she will sit on my side of the mirror, and who will she be looking up to then?\u003cbr\u003eAnother version, more refined?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMaybe becoming never actually ends.\u003cbr\u003eMaybe the more you become, the more difficult it is to stay impressed by anything that no longer grows with you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThey say appetite comes with food.\u003cbr\u003eI think that applies to becoming too.\u003cbr\u003eFor a while you are full, satisfied even, and then suddenly something shifts and you are hungry again.\u003cbr\u003eHungrier than before.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI can no longer distinguish between the good and the bad side of this change.\u003cbr\u003eI have entirely lost interest in simple conversations, cheap gossip, random men, even when they are attractive.\u003cbr\u003eIt's like I have been completely swallowed by myself.\u003cbr\u003eNot in some obnoxious way.\u003cbr\u003eMore in a \"I didn't know I was such an interesting person\" kind of way.\u003cbr\u003eFunny thing is, \"Maybe I'm not good enough\" slowly turned into \"He is a complete idiot.\"\u003cbr\u003eAnd that shift happened so quietly I almost missed it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI don't want to lose touch with reality, but reality has so much less to offer lately.\u003cbr\u003eSame talks. Same drinks.\u003cbr\u003eSame people repeating the same insecurities in different outfits.\u003cbr\u003eHow long can someone stay impressed by that?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMom asked me yesterday, worried, \"How can you always be alone? You need to meet people.\"\u003cbr\u003eSo I asked her back, \"Have you ever sat at a table full of people and still felt like you weren't really there? Like the only thing crossing your mind was: I could have been writing right now. What is the point?\"\u003cbr\u003eShe couldn't answer.\u003cbr\u003eAnd maybe that scared me more than the question itself.\u003cbr\u003eBecause all my life I felt like I was missing something if I wasn't at the table.\u003cbr\u003eNow I feel like I am missing something if I am.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo is this growth or just another addiction wearing expensive language?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI owe it to myself to discover the woman in the mirror and bring her fully to life.\u003cbr\u003eI think I am falling in love with her.\u003cbr\u003eAnd how can't I, when she is built from every admiration I was too afraid to chase before?\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align:center\"\u003e—\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMaybe that's why I no longer trust the phrase \"I am enough.\"\u003cbr\u003eIt sounds less like self-love and more like fear dressed up as acceptance.\u003cbr\u003eBecause what does \"enough\" actually mean?\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Love Letters To Myself","offers":[{"title":"Default","offer_id":57916283683147,"sku":null,"price":1.49,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1064\/4802\/7979\/files\/LLTM_Banner_2_e4972145-acca-48e4-8941-2ba237332af5.jpg?v=1785562904","url":"https:\/\/loveletterstomyself.co\/products\/letter-021-emotional-leftovers","provider":"Love Letters To Myself","version":"1.0","type":"link"}